Checklist Living

With Gratitude, I  AM Graduating!

Before I get started, I want to say, "THANK YOU." to everyone who contributed to the fundraiser.  I will be on my way to NYC in a couple of weeks.  Many, many heartfelt thanks for making this financially available.

Sometimes The Universe says, "This is all that is required of you right now."  

This is long. I hope you will read it.  Enrolling in a 9-month course at a time when the doctors were saying that I am on my last category of medications was probably an unusual choice.  However, there were some things that were really tugging at me.  Not the least of which was how to die.  I wanted to have a conversation and put things in place that would be consistent with the way I have lived my life.  My spiritual lifestyle has been an evolution.  My life has been an evolution.  What I have found was that there was no one to really have an authentic inquiry.  A rolling conversation about how to die. What plans would be made for staying in the home, going to the hospital, arrangements for what happens upon my death.  I really wanted the conversations to be incomplete, uncomfortable, and probing. The most important thing for me was that I die In God and I could not imagine what that would be like, feel like. You have a jewel if you have a person in your life that will hold you in this space.  I found out that I have such people in my life that were willing to go to a certain point.  They were not in the medical profession though. Overall, it may be that you have to pay someone to walk you through this moment. It is; however, an important moment to have. It has been fascinating what I have found out. What things to consider.  How to be present with someone who is living a terminal or chronic diagnosis.

This is a time of spiritual discernment.  Change is going to come.  It can be grueling. It can be tough.  It can be like sailing in a canoe on the ocean during a hurricane.  This does not mean that you should not be in the canoe.  That piece of leather stretched over a wooden frame may be the refuge required to turn faith into knowing when not knowing is the storm within you.

Here's my last few weeks.

CHECKLIST LIVING

I have not been here for the last few weeks because I have not known what to say.  The term that I would use is somewhere between spiritual disruption and checklist living.  I am just leaving this in God's hands.  It is not the first time that I have gone through something like this. Checklist living is just the time pressure and the things to do lists that rise up with any major planning.  I have not lived in this headspace for a long time, years really.  I could feel the tension building up.  Definitely a practice what you preach moment.  Step by step, breath by breath.  Small portions of projects completed to make the big thing check marked, DONE!!!!  When there are boxes and year's worth of stuff to handle and go through this was a major accomplishment.

All of my classwork is complete.  Doing a happy dance.  It has been a real pleasure to do my practicum at the Caring Place here in Las Vegas.  March was very interesting, probing and stimulating.  We had to plan our death progression wishes and after death services and plans.  Everything from medical power of attorneys, visiting funeral homes, making arrangements to understanding the different options that are available.  If you had told me that this was going to be as valuable as it was, I would have had to foist my head out of a sand dune.  I have already had three meaningful conversations with women about dying and planning. For me, it was a huge weight off of my shoulders to actually talk about dying in such an honest way.  It was comforting to be having these conversations in an educational setting.  Now I can't imagine the stress and pain a family goes through when something unexpected happens and there are no arrangements in place.  This was invasive enough to be away from a crisis. I hope though that this learning will allow me to be compassionate. Nevada is progressive with various options available.  Water cremation and Earth Funerals were new information, and these ecology friendly options are not much more cost than a regular cremation.

This has been a very fulfilling time.

SPIRITUAL DISRUPTION

It is not the first time this has happened.... an advantage of being experienced and shall we say, "mature." It does not lessen the, "What the Heck!"

I share this because the way of the world right now may have you going through change, disruption and spiritual realignment. It can be brutal yet rewarding if you can hang in there. I just did a meditation called, "Leaning Into The Pain."

Simply,  I allowed the pain to be present.  I did not try to change it.  I did not try to fix it. I just let what was happening happen.  When this many things are going on, it's like you have to deal with the one that is the noisiest at the time.  The noisiest may not even be the most important.  It just is the one thing that will lessen the urgency, the negative outcome or the financial distress. Leaning in helps me to understand the pain and hopefully the resolution surfaces. I stayed in my daily practice.

WHAT HAPPENED? More Than I Ever Could Imagine.

There are times that everything seems to be falling apart. Unbelievable.  Mouth gaping incredulity.

So, I shared here that the PayPal integration was not smooth when I launched the fundraiser.  What you did not know was that I waited, prayed and listened before launching the fundraiser.  I finally said to myself that there was just no other way for me to raise the money needed to travel to graduation.  After I did the right thing and said that there was a problem, donations basically dried up.  It was never the plan to inundate you with a crazy amount of emails etc.  Once or twice and that was it.  However, this technical difficulty pretty much took care of any other outreach. (Double Thank You to those who contacted me privately to contribute.)

But wait there's more....

A friend of mine was on The Sacred Qi website... I got this call.  "Mercedes, your website is all gibberish and code."

I had had a premonition, so the site was backed up.  After a few hours, yes hours, all was restored. Praise the Lord.  Thank you, Guidance.

But wait there's more....

My computer crashed. This is the short version.  Blue screen.  Three external backup systems failed.  I basically lost most of my writings, documents, etc.  from the last five years - including my work for this course.  This took days of backtracking and cajoling the technology companies.  On day three or four of this puzzle solving, I sat on the edge of my bed I was remarkably calm.  A classmate had prayed into me a few days. The blessing came through these words" My Peace I Give Unto You."  He would remark.... I don't know where that came from.  I responded. "I do."

But wait there's more.... there was but I think you get the gist of what has been going on.

EVERYTHING WORKED OUT OR IS AT LEAST APPEARING TO WORK OUT.

I got my plane ticket.

I got my hotel room for the overnight stay in NYC before heading to the retreat center.

I found a dog sitter for Priya.

I found a house cleaner.

I completed my class projects.

I said no to something that really could have benefitted me but there is just no bandwidth and I accepted that this is where I am at.

I bought the things I needed for the trip.

Etc. Etc. Etc.

Sometimes when we are going through a major spiritual discernment, things are going to be disrupted, deconstructed and destroyed.

I cannot heal from the same energy that caused the disharmony in my life. The healing was real, and this is just an indication that the healing was received.

Truthfully, I don't know what is going to happen after I come back from New York.  I had planned to publish some of my work and get the Sacred Qi Soul Ignitions descriptions completed.... It's all gone!

By The Way... Creatively, the Spirit is flowing. I received three new soul ignitions over the last two months.

I have insight into living through dying. The title of my final project is Embracing Death:  Welcome to My Wake. It’s a creative way to announce my death, build an altar and face this process through peace and empowerment.  (My health has greatly improved over this past nine months.)

I have cried. Faced myself. Cried. Stretched. Faced myself some more.

I received what I signed up for.  The plans must change because I have.

FOR NOW, BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE...

I am planning to go to New York and be present, be open to receive, learn and hopefully make some new friends.

That's all the Universe is requiring of me right now.

Thank you for being here.

Be Blessed & Prosper.

Love.